The Hard Truth About Why Your Best People Leave
Avoiding feedback is killing trust. Learn to have the conversations that keep your team loyal and performing.
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Hej! It’s William!
In 2014, Microsoft announced something shocking to its employees. It was a normal working day when thousands of people opened their emails to find out they had lost their jobs.
There were no private conversations, no warnings, just a cold, corporate email from the CEO.
Imagine coming to work as usual, grabbing your coffee, starting your tasks, and suddenly discovering you don't have a job anymore.
Employees described feeling betrayed and confused. Leaders were not ready to talk or explain anything, because they found out at the exact same time.
There was no feedback leading up to this moment, no chance to adjust or improve, no way to prepare. Just silence followed by sudden termination.
When someone is fired without any warning, it’s not just uncomfortable or embarrassing for the employee.
It’s a sign that something went very wrong with leadership.
It shows a breakdown in basic human communication, the kind that builds trust and clarity.
Feedback is not about complicated meetings or long documents. It is simply the habit of talking openly about how things are going. It is letting people know when they do something well or when they need to improve. But leaders often avoid these conversations because they feel uncomfortable. They let issues quietly grow, hoping they will somehow fix themselves.
The truth is, silence is never neutral. Silence builds tension, confusion, and mistrust. And when silence ends in surprise layoffs or unexpected firings, everyone feels insecure.
If leaders cannot have honest conversations before things go bad, trust breaks down. People stop feeling safe, and performance suffers.
The Microsoft layoff is not just a cautionary tale for large companies. It is a real, painful example of how avoiding feedback can lead to deep damage.
It leaves scars on the culture, on the people, and on the leader’s own credibility.
This is the real problem: leaders are not giving clear, timely feedback. And it has consequences far beyond just losing a job.
What Happens When You Avoid Hard Conversations
Think back to your own experience for a moment. Have you ever postponed a difficult talk with someone on your team because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings? Maybe you thought it was kinder just to stay quiet, hoping things would improve on their own.
But here's the truth: avoiding feedback isn't kindness. It might feel easier at first, but it creates bigger problems down the line.
In her book Radical Candor, Kim Scott explains this idea very clearly. She says true care means being direct and honest. When you hide what needs to be said, you're not protecting anyone. You're actually setting them up for failure.
When you avoid giving clear feedback, you're silently letting problems grow. Imagine your best team members seeing poor performance go unnoticed.
They start wondering why they even bother trying so hard. Motivation fades, and soon the whole team starts settling for less.
Then small issues turn into big ones. Something simple, that could have been solved quickly, becomes messy and complicated. By the time you have no choice but to act, like firing someone, the damage is done. You've lost trust, morale drops, and your reputation as a leader suffers.
Leaders often make common mistakes around feedback. They wait too long, hoping problems will magically fix themselves. Or they give feedback that's vague, saying things like “work harder” or “do better,” leaving people confused rather than clear.
Sometimes they save all feedback for formal reviews, turning what should be helpful conversations into stressful moments of judgment.
The hidden cost of silence is high. It affects everyone. Your team stops trusting you. Productivity falls. Good people become frustrated and leave. And the worst part is, all of this can be avoided if you just speak up honestly, kindly, and clearly from the start.
Feedback is not a punishment. It’s a sign of respect. It shows you care enough to help someone grow, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Why Good Leaders Still Avoid Tough Feedback
If feedback is so important, why do smart, capable leaders keep avoiding it?
Why does the silence continue even when we know it hurts the team and ourselves?
The answer lies in our human nature. Nobody enjoys difficult conversations. As leaders, we naturally fear hurting people’s feelings or damaging our relationships.
We imagine worst-case scenarios, picturing how awkward or tense the talk might be. So instead of stepping into discomfort, we quietly step away, hoping the issue will solve itself or simply vanish.
This avoidance is reinforced by psychological forces. One of these is something called confirmation bias. It means we tend to notice only what fits our existing beliefs.
If we see someone as a good team member, we ignore their small mistakes or poor habits, reassuring ourselves that everything is fine. Over time, those small problems become big ones.
Another reason is loss aversion, a concept from behavioral economics. Loss aversion describes how we feel the pain of losing something much more strongly than we feel the joy of gaining something new.
Leaders fear losing harmony, approval, or trust. So, rather than risking any discomfort, we avoid feedback altogether. We forget the greater gain that comes from clarity, growth, and honesty.
Status quo bias is another powerful factor. Humans naturally prefer things to remain as they are. Even if we aren’t fully happy with the current situation, we often prefer familiar discomfort over the unknown.
Challenging someone directly feels risky, uncertain, and stressful. It’s easier, at least in the short term, to keep things quiet and unchanged.
These mental blocks create a blind spot. Even good leaders become trapped in patterns of silence, simply because the human mind resists change and avoids discomfort.
The tragedy is that avoiding feedback makes future conversations even harder. Issues pile up. Problems get bigger.
By the time feedback is finally given, it's often too late to truly help.
Understanding why this happens is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
The good news is that overcoming this resistance is possible, and it starts with a shift in mindset.
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Mindset Shift or Reframe - Seeing Feedback as an Act of Care
If you want to change the way you lead, you need to change the way you think about feedback. Too often, feedback is treated like a punishment or something to dread. It becomes something we do only when things go wrong. But what if we saw feedback for what it really is?
Feedback is care in action. It is how you show someone that you see them, that you value their work, and that you believe they can do better. Honest feedback says, I respect you enough to be clear with you.
Imagine being on a team where people regularly tell you what you are doing well and where you can improve.
You never have to guess if you are meeting expectations.
You never have to fear being blindsided in a review or, worse, being let go without warning.
Instead, you know where you stand because your leader talks with you, not at you, and does it often.
This is the mindset shift leaders need. Feedback is not criticism for the sake of pointing out flaws. It is guidance, support, and partnership. It is a sign that you care enough to help someone grow.
Here are a few simple ways to think about feedback differently:
Timely, not delayed. Say what needs to be said now, when it is useful, not months later.
Specific, not vague. Replace general praise or criticism with clear examples.
Two-way, not one-way. Invite your team to give you feedback as well.
When leaders adopt this mindset, feedback stops being a scary, tense event. It becomes a normal conversation. It builds trust instead of breaking it.
Your team will thank you for it. Not always immediately, because honesty can sting at first.
But over time, they will know you are someone they can trust. Someone who will tell them the truth, help them get better, and stand by them along the way.
That is real leadership. It is not about avoiding discomfort. It is about caring enough to have the conversation.
There is also the idea of psychological safety, a concept developed by Professor Amy Edmondson at Harvard Business School. Psychological safety means people feel safe to speak up, admit mistakes, and share ideas without fear of embarrassment or punishment.
Edmondson’s research showed that teams with high psychological safety outperform others consistently. And feedback is central to this. Without honest feedback, there can be no safety, because people never know where they truly stand.
When leaders create an environment where feedback is normal, they reduce fear and uncertainty. People know they can ask questions, try new things, and even fail without being punished or surprised later with a termination they never saw coming.
Even simple practices make a difference. Studies show that regular one-on-one conversations between managers and team members improve engagement and retention.
Employees who receive consistent, useful feedback are less likely to quit, more likely to perform well, and generally happier at work.
It is about building a culture where people can do their best work, feel valued, and stay for the long term. And it all starts with leaders who are willing to talk openly and honestly with their teams.
How to Make Feedback Work Every Day
Let us get practical. It is easy to say leaders should give better feedback, but what does that actually look like?
How can you do it in a way that feels natural and honest without turning every talk into a formal performance review?
One simple approach is called Situation-Behavior-Impact. It helps you keep feedback clear, specific, and fair.
Situation. Describe when and where the behavior happened.
Behavior. Explain exactly what the person did.
Impact. Share how it affected you, the team, or the work.
For example, instead of saying “You need to improve your communication,” you might say:
In yesterday’s client meeting (situation), you interrupted them several times (behavior), which made it harder for us to show we were listening and hurt our chances of winning their trust (impact).
Notice how it is not personal or vague. It is factual and explains why it matters. This kind of feedback is much easier to receive and act on.
You can also use a few simple habits to make feedback normal, not scary:
Make it regular. Do not wait for formal reviews. Use one-on-ones, quick chats, or even casual moments to share thoughts.
Balance positive and critical feedback. Recognize good work often. When improvement is needed, be honest but kind.
Listen as much as you talk. Feedback is a conversation. Ask how the other person sees things.
This approach helps everyone stay on the same page. No surprises. No last-minute panic when problems finally come to light. It turns feedback from something people fear into something they expect and appreciate.
When feedback becomes part of daily work, it stops being an event. It becomes part of the culture. A way of showing care and respect. A promise that nobody will be left guessing about how they are doing or where they stand.
That is the real goal. To create a workplace where people can do their best work because they know their leader will always be honest with them.
How Leaders Make Feedback Part of the Culture
Let us make this even more real. Imagine a manager named Carla who leads a small software team.
A year ago, Carla realized her team was struggling with missed deadlines and growing frustration. But when she asked in one-on-ones how things were going, people just nodded and said “fine.”
Carla admitted to herself that she had avoided tough conversations. She wanted to be seen as supportive and easygoing.
But the truth was, she was letting problems grow without addressing them.
She decided to change her approach. Instead of saving feedback for formal reviews, she set up short weekly one-on-ones with each team member. These were relaxed conversations. She asked open questions like “What is getting in your way?” and “What do you think I need to know?”
When she noticed an issue, she used the Situation-Behavior-Impact method to explain it clearly but kindly. For example:
Last week during planning, you dismissed Jamie’s idea quickly. That made it harder for the team to share openly.
Instead of feeling attacked, her team appreciated the clarity. They started giving her feedback, too. Over time, trust grew. Missed deadlines dropped. People felt safe bringing up concerns early instead of letting them fester.
Carla said the biggest surprise was how much lighter her job felt. No more pretending problems did not exist. No more worrying about how to deliver bad news at the last minute. Instead, it was an honest, ongoing conversation.
Many leaders have seen the same shift when they commit to making feedback normal. It is about creating space where people know they will hear the truth, good or bad, in time to do something about it.
It is not magic. It is just consistent, clear, caring communication. And it works.
Building a Culture Where Nobody Is Surprised
Let us go back to that moment at Microsoft. Thousands of people are learning that they lost their jobs through a cold email. No warning. No conversation. Just shock.
Think about how that felt for them. Think about how it felt for the ones who stayed behind, wondering if they were next. Wondering if they could trust their leaders at all.
This is the cost of silence. The price of avoiding honest conversations.
As leaders, we hold real responsibility. Not just for hitting targets or managing budgets, but for the people who show up every day and trust us with their work, their time, their hopes. They deserve more than surprises. They deserve honesty.
Feedback is not just something you check off a list. It is not about pointing fingers or delivering harsh truths for the sake of it. It is about care. Respect. Building a relationship strong enough to handle the truth.
Imagine your team knowing they will never be blindsided. That you will tell them early if there is a problem. That you will help them fix it. Imagine the trust that creates. The relief. The freedom to do their best work without fear hanging over them.
That is the kind of culture people want to be part of. That is the kind of leader people want to follow.
It does not happen overnight. It happens one conversation at a time. One honest moment at a time.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: do not let silence do your talking for you. Do not let someone find out too late that they were not meeting the mark.
Be the leader who speaks up. The leader who cares enough to be clear. The one who makes sure no one on your team will ever be surprised when it matters most.
Because in the end, that is not just good leadership. That is the kind of leadership people remember and respect.